I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
