Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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