Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
