Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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