Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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