At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
