i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
