If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
