Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
