Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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