My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
