My friends, they love my intelligence
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
