hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize