Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
