my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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