Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
