Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
