he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
