Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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