You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
