i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
