You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
