Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Im part way to drunk.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
