The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
