He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
