I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
