jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
