i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
