Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
