I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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