I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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