everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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