and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
