so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
