office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
