My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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