hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
