just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
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You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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