I've blown a few things in my day
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
