Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
