You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
