I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have feelings that need drinking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
