I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
