No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
