Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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