you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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