I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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