I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
