i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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