as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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