Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
