Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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