i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who died my cat blue again?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
