the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
