no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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