youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize