I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
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U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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