yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
