nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so much tequila, so little girl.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
