So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
