My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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