I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
