his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize