I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
