I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
