Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
