Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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